How the Story of Cain & Abel Impacted My Infertility Journey

Can offering a sacrifice of vegetable and God approving Abel's sacrifice of sheep. — The Sacrifice of Abel (plate 1 from The Story of Cain and Abel), Johannes Sadeler I, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, Harris Brisbane Dick Fund, 1953 http://www.metmuseum.org/Collections/search-the-collections/700567

The Cain and Abel story is a story of jealousy, murder, and curses. If you read it closely, you can find a lot of bizarre things in it. What does Cain and Abel have to do with Infertility and IVF? Join me as I share with you how God used an unlikely story to guide me during our struggle with infertility.

Review

This is a continuation of my journey into the Cain and Abel story. See my post Using the Noticing and Wondering Method to Study the Bible: The Cain and Abel Edition for an introduction to the story of Cain and Abel.

Subscribe to my blog to get the rest of this series on Cain and Abel sent straight to your inbox. There is also a FREE printable for a 7-Day Study on the Noticing & Wondering Method to Study the Bible available only for subscribers.

My Story

Note: This is my story, and I will discuss topics such as miscarriages and IVF. Please know that I understand the struggle around ethics and IVF. I understand that Christians have different convictions around this issue, and I respect those differences. As we wrestled through as a couple, we discovered there are a lot of grey areas. Therefore, I am not judging any Christian family that made a different decision than we did. For God has given each person their own conscience. After all, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” (Romans 14:4, NIV) So to reiterate, this is our personal story and how God spoke to us through our journey. This is not a command for other Christians.

The pressure was on! I got married at a ripe old age of 38, and we wanted kids. Unfortunately, fertility starts to dip drastically at 38. Therefore, there was no time to lose! One year passed and nothing happened. Then we were creeping up on two years. Not to mention I was approaching the big 4-0—the age every woman dreads.

woman in white long sleeve shirt holding red and white pen — *Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com*

After talking with my OBGYN, she recommended seeing a specialist. Given my age, time was running out. So, we went through the usual tests and procedures that any couple struggling with infertility goes through. Technically, there was nothing wrong with us but our age. We tried the shots to stimulate ovulation, but to no effect. So the last option that was on the table was IVF. Should we or shouldn’t we pursue IVF?

The Ethical Grey Area

Many people believe that life begins at implantation or when a fetus’s heart begins to beat. However most evangelical Christians and Roman Catholics believe that life begins at conception. If you follow the logic based on the premise that life begins at conception, then any fertilized embryo is alive. This means that discarding a fertilized embryo is murder. However, if we used all our fertilized eggs (embryos) we wouldn’t have to worry about that. Therefore, logically we could use IVF technology as long as we used all the embryos. On the positive side, given my age it was likely that there would only be one or two embryos (unlike younger women who may have a dozen). It seemed we could use IVF to help us start a family without inadvertently destroying a living being. So, we committed to going forward in the process, and we had a date scheduled for egg retrieval. Yet, my soul was still uneasy with the process. I decided to pray that if IVF wasn’t God’s will, he would stop it.

Then the COVID shut-down happened, and all non-essential surgeries were cancelled including my egg retrieval. I felt relieved that God gave me a way out!

Hope Deferred

Shortly thereafter we got pregnant! While everyone was mourning Covid, my husband and I had so much joy. It hardly seemed fair.

Unfortunately after a few weeks, we miscarried…… Now we were miserable in the Covid shut down like everyone else.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13: 12, NIV)

red paper heart ripped in half on dark background broken heart separation concept — *Photo by Marta Nogueira on Pexels.com*

Try, Try Again

Eventually, non-elective surgeries opened up again, and our fertility specialist contacted us. She emphasized that we were running out of time for egg retrieval as I was now even older than I was before. Our earlier logic still held up, so we were going to move forward. Yet I still had an uneasy feeling in my soul, so I decided to take some time to fast and pray.

What God Revealed to Me Through the Story of Cain and Abel (and Seth)

During my fast, I was reading my Bible without any particular goal in mind. I can’t remember if I was doing a word study or if I read an article. Through studying I became aware of the word “acquire” in Genesis 4:1 and the concept of acquiring that runs through the Cain and Abel story.

The Birth of Cain

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, ‘I have acquired a man from the LORD.” (Genesis 4:1, NKJ)

Now this is a little strange thing for Eve to say after she birthed the first child in the history of humankind. The child ‘s name, Cain, is a play on words. Cain’s name means acquire or possession, which is part of the phrase Eve said when he was born. You might expect her to say that she created or that she formed a man with the help of God, yet Eve says neither of these things. Instead, she claims that she acquired a man or possessed a man with God?

Notice that it doesn’t say that Eve named him. Contrast this to Genesis 4: 25 where she names Seth. Instead, the text implies that he was Cain; he was the embodiment of his name. Was he Eve’s possession or acquisition? Or was he destined to possess things? Or both? How much did God help and how did Eve help?

The Birth of Abel

white smoke — *Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com*

Nothing is really said about Abel other than he was born. It doesn’t say that Adam helped conceive Abel. (Because of that some commentators think Cain and Abel were twins.) Nor does it say that Eve acquired him. Nor does it even say that God helped her in the birthing process. Abel just appears. In Hebrew his name is “Hebel” which means “breath,” “vapor,” or “mist.”. Ecclesiastes 1 uses the same word “Hebel” over and over again. However, in Ecclesiasts we translate it to “vanity” or “meaningless” depending on the translation. It’s almost as if Abel doesn’t belong to this world at all!

This idea of Hebel gives the feeling of nonexistence or rather a transitionary existence. However, this concept is echoed not only in Ecclesiastes but also in Job and the Psalms:

“I loathe my life; I would not live forever. Leave me alone, for my days are a breath [Abel]. “(Job 7: 16, ESV)
“Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath [Abel]! Surely, a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing [Abel] they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather! …….When you discipline a man with rebukes for sin, you consume like a moth what is dear to him; surely all mankind is a mere breath [Abel]!” (Psalm 39: 5,6, 11, ESV)
“Man is like a breath [Abel]; his days are like a passing shadow.” (Psalm 144: 4, ESV)

Cain Kills Abel

*Cain Slaying Abel, Pier Francesco Mola, Gift of Alan M. May, in memory of his wife, Marcia W. May, and in celebration of the Museum’s 150th Anniversary, 2020, NY MET*

Since this part of the story is familiar to most of you, I’m going to quickly summarize. There is a lot to dissect here as well, but I’m going to gloss over it, so I can get to the point of the post.

Cain was a farmer and brought an unsuitable offering to God. Abel was a shepherd and his offering was pleasing to God. (I’m not going to analyze the offerings here because that’s not what God was drawing my attention to that day in prayer.) The outcome from the offerings caused Cain to be jealous. God offered him an opportunity to repent, but he had to master his desire or succumb to sin. He chose to let his desire rule over him, so Cain killed Abel. Therefore, God cursed Cain and exiled him from Eden (the garden is a subset of the greater area of Eden). He is destined to be a wanderer away from God’s presence.

Cain the Acquirer

plants on cracked dry ground — *Photo by Fatih KÖRKÜ on Pexels.com*

Eve acquired Cain, and Cain’s name means “acquire” or “possession.” Cain became a farmer and took possession of the land. He held on tight to his possessions: the land and its produce; he couldn’t even offer the best back to God his creator.

After killing his brother, his possession (the ground) became contaminated with Abel’s blood.

Therefore, God curses his relationship to his possession (the ground) and drives him away from the ground. Talk about a logical consequence! Cain lost the things he valued most.

God told him that he was supposed to be a restless wanderer in the land of Nod (which means wandering). Yet ironically he doesn’t wander. Instead he builds the first city and tries to raise a family. Cain is a family man! Not only that but his descendants are successful! His grandchildren invented shepherding, technology (via toolmaking) and music! Cain acquired a family lineage to be proud of (at least in worldly terms). What a strange story!

So the question remains: Did Cain acquire possessions or do his possessions acquire him? Who owns whom?

Seth

The story ends with Eve having another child: Seth. Seth replaces Abel. He is the child of faith as his birth signified people calling on the name of Jehovah (Yahweh).

How Does This Relate to My Infertility Story?

There are so many cool and interesting things in this story that I don’t have time to touch on. I’m just going to focus on how this story impacted my infertility journey.

God revealed to me that my miscarried baby was like Abel. He was of God, but he was fleeting like a vapor that barely existed on this earth. This is echoed in Ecclesiastes 6:3b-4:

“I say that a stillborn child is better off than he. It comes without meaning, it departs in darkness, and in darkness its name is shrouded”

woman in ice skates on snow — *Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com*

But now there was a choice before us. We could pursue IVF and acquire a child. All life comes from God even babies born of IVF, but if I pursued that route I would get a Cain. I may get a successful child (not necessarily a murderer per se), but a child focused on material gain and acquiring things of this world. Or we could wait on God for our Seth: the child of faith and promise.

The Choice of Faith

a person holding cutout letters on the white textile — *Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com*

We chose the way of faith, and it was scary. We both wanted a child very badly, and my husband and I are both doers. IVF is doing something; waiting is much harder. On paper logically, IVF could be ethical if we implanted all the viable embryos. But my conscience was saying that it wasn’t right, and God confirmed that during my fasting and prayer. So we cried and we waited, and God provided for us. About a year later we gave birth to a little baby boy, my Elijah Seth! And he’s everything we could have wanted. It’s such a joy to watch him grow in his love for Jesus. He’s my baby of faith and he belongs to the Lord. Hallelujah!

What’s Your Cain and Seth Moment?

photo of pathway surrounded by fir trees — *Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com*

You might not be struggling with infertility, but you may have another choice before you. A choice where you can either choose the logical way of the world or a choice of faith. A choice between acquiring or a choice of sacrifice? What will you choose?

I leave you with this:

^“These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” (Hebrews 11: 39-40, NIV)

More Resources

Check out my FREE, printable Bible Study on Genesis 4 as well as the other studies on the page. Subscribe to my blog if you want the rest of this series on Cain and Abel sent straight to your inbox.

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